....who said you can't practice yoga while taking pictures
....a good way to excuse your fart
well, he knows kung fu......
....i'm not sure what they doing
......ready ......"snap"
Saturday, June 6, 2009
...and you think posing in front of the camera is hard!!!
....who said you can't practice yoga while taking pictures
....a good way to excuse your fart
well, he knows kung fu......
....i'm not sure what they doing
......ready ......"snap"
Friday, June 5, 2009
The effects of our slow economy
during this slow economic time, people are all careful with their money, even banks are making it harder for us at the atm.....
it's used to be so romantic when we gave our heart to someone we love, but now.........
and so....to concluded..our financial got hit just like.............pic below
Thursday, June 4, 2009
interviewing Adam and Eva
Ask: What's the different between wife and girlfriend?
Adam: 20 pounds in weight
Ask: What's the different between husband and boyfriend?
Eva: 20 minutes in bed
Ask: How do you feel about yours marriage?
Adam: Married too early
Eva: Divorced too late
Ask: Do you both have anything in common?
Eva: Married the same day
Adam: We both like to watch Victoria's Secret Fashion show
Ask: If your wife die, do you have anything to say to her?
Adam: Finally, you're quite
Ask: If your husband die, do you want to say anything to him?
Eva: Finally, you're "hard"
Adam: 20 pounds in weight
Ask: What's the different between husband and boyfriend?
Eva: 20 minutes in bed
Ask: How do you feel about yours marriage?
Adam: Married too early
Eva: Divorced too late
Ask: Do you both have anything in common?
Eva: Married the same day
Adam: We both like to watch Victoria's Secret Fashion show
Ask: If your wife die, do you have anything to say to her?
Adam: Finally, you're quite
Ask: If your husband die, do you want to say anything to him?
Eva: Finally, you're "hard"
sex in sports
"you're going down Chicago!!!"
"oohh Ronaldo"
"it's Fulk's time!!"
"oh it's good...it's gotta be the Chinese boy"
"ready hut hut hut"
"that's da way uh huh uh huh i like it"
"let's stretch"
"hey!!! there're people around here!!!"
"i like the one on the right, it's firm!!!
"why are you guarding my third leg!!!!!"
"ohhh, my,what a smell!! did he ate baloney last nite?"
uh huh smell my gas....vroom vroom!!!!
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
3 eggs and $7000
A woman on her deathbed called her husband and instructed him to look under their bed and open the wooden box he found. He was puzzled by the 3 eggs and $7,000 in cash he found in the box, so he asked his wife what the eggs were for.
"Oh those", she replied, "every time we had bad sex, I put an egg in the box".
Not bad, the husband thought to himself, after 35 years of marriage, then he asked, "But what about the $7,000?"
"Oh that", she replied, "every time I got a dozen I sold them."
"Oh those", she replied, "every time we had bad sex, I put an egg in the box".
Not bad, the husband thought to himself, after 35 years of marriage, then he asked, "But what about the $7,000?"
"Oh that", she replied, "every time I got a dozen I sold them."
crazy english
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.
Virus alert!!!!
An entire new strain of viruses has just been uncovered and we wanted to get this information to you as soon as possible. Please share this with others immediately!!
Monica Lewinsky virus........Sucks all the memory out of your computer.
Lorena Bobbit virus..........Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.
Ellen Degeneres virus........Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC.
Titanic virus................Makes your whole computer go down.
Disney virus.................Everything in the computer goes Goofy.
Mike Tyson virus.............Quits after one byte.
Prozac virus.......Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.
Woody Allen virus.........By-passes the motherboard and turns on daughter card.
Joey Buttafuoco virus........Only attacks minor files.
Spice Girl virus.............Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.
Ronald Reagan virus..........Saves your data, but forgets
Dr. Kevorkian virus.....Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them.
Oprah Winfrey virus........Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus........Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
Then there is the Clinton PC. It has a six inch hard drive and no memory.
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS- Divides your hard drive into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.
PAUL REVERE VIRUS- This revolutionary virus doesn't horse around. It warns you of impending disk attack, once if by LAN, twice if by C.
AT&T VIRUS- Every three minutes it reminds you what great service you are getting.
MCI VIRUS- Every three minutes it reminds you that you are paying too much for the AT&T virus.
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS- Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS- Computer locks up, screen splits vertically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
AIRLINE VIRUS- You're in Chicago but your data is in Singapore.
STAR TREK VIRUS- Invades your system and boldly goes where no virus has gone before.
TED TURNER VIRUS- Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
PBS VIRUS-Your PC stops what it is doing every few minutes to ask for money
Monica Lewinsky virus........Sucks all the memory out of your computer.
Lorena Bobbit virus..........Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.
Ellen Degeneres virus........Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC.
Titanic virus................Makes your whole computer go down.
Disney virus.................Everything in the computer goes Goofy.
Mike Tyson virus.............Quits after one byte.
Prozac virus.......Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.
Woody Allen virus.........By-passes the motherboard and turns on daughter card.
Joey Buttafuoco virus........Only attacks minor files.
Spice Girl virus.............Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.
Ronald Reagan virus..........Saves your data, but forgets
Dr. Kevorkian virus.....Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them.
Oprah Winfrey virus........Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus........Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
Then there is the Clinton PC. It has a six inch hard drive and no memory.
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS- Divides your hard drive into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.
PAUL REVERE VIRUS- This revolutionary virus doesn't horse around. It warns you of impending disk attack, once if by LAN, twice if by C.
AT&T VIRUS- Every three minutes it reminds you what great service you are getting.
MCI VIRUS- Every three minutes it reminds you that you are paying too much for the AT&T virus.
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS- Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS- Computer locks up, screen splits vertically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
AIRLINE VIRUS- You're in Chicago but your data is in Singapore.
STAR TREK VIRUS- Invades your system and boldly goes where no virus has gone before.
TED TURNER VIRUS- Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
PBS VIRUS-Your PC stops what it is doing every few minutes to ask for money
rape during the day!!!
This happen at an illegal parking lot during the day. The blond female were harassed by four to five blacks and whites males along with one mixed Asian. The people around here all witness this rape crime but no one dare to report it to the police.
Luckily one of the locals take some pictures and already reported it to the police. Checked out these pics
Luckily one of the locals take some pictures and already reported it to the police. Checked out these pics
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
wedding's night
On their first night to be together, the newlywed couple go to get changed. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe."
The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My Lord, you are so beautiful, let me take your picture".
Puzzled, she asks, "My picture?"
He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever."
She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower.
He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now."
He then opens his robe and she exclaims, "Oh, oh, oh my, let me get a picture."
He beams and asks, "Why?"
She answers, "So I can get It enlarged."
The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My Lord, you are so beautiful, let me take your picture".
Puzzled, she asks, "My picture?"
He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever."
She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower.
He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now."
He then opens his robe and she exclaims, "Oh, oh, oh my, let me get a picture."
He beams and asks, "Why?"
She answers, "So I can get It enlarged."
woman and man
How to obtain a woman?
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine&dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the end of earth for her.....
How to obtain a man?
Oh, just show up naked
.... with Beer
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine&dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the end of earth for her.....
How to obtain a man?
Oh, just show up naked
.... with Beer
Monday, June 1, 2009
message on the cake
A man wanted to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. He ordered a birthday cake.
The saleswoman asked him what message he wanted put on the cake. He thought for a moment and said:
Put: "You are getting older but you are getting better."
"How do you want me to put it". The saleswoman asked.
The man said:
Well... put "you are getting older" at the top and "but you are getting better" at the bottom.
When the cake was unveiled at the party all the guests were aghast at the message on the cake. It read: "You are getting older at the top but you are getting better at the bottom."
The saleswoman asked him what message he wanted put on the cake. He thought for a moment and said:
Put: "You are getting older but you are getting better."
"How do you want me to put it". The saleswoman asked.
The man said:
Well... put "you are getting older" at the top and "but you are getting better" at the bottom.
When the cake was unveiled at the party all the guests were aghast at the message on the cake. It read: "You are getting older at the top but you are getting better at the bottom."
What's she really means
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want...
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble.
7. Sure, go ahead = You'd better not.
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later.
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
11. I love you = I need new clothes
12. Honey, I am sick = I don't want to cook
13. Honey, you can play golf this weekend = My mom is coming
14. You look tired = Are you cheating on me?
15. Let's have sex = I need more new clothes
16. Honey you want to talk? = Don't bother me
17. Do I look fat to you? = Watch your mouth
18. How is your work? = Where's your paycheck
19. Let's go to the mall = I need a bag-carrier
20. I am going shopping, do you need anything = Give me your creditcard
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want...
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble.
7. Sure, go ahead = You'd better not.
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later.
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
11. I love you = I need new clothes
12. Honey, I am sick = I don't want to cook
13. Honey, you can play golf this weekend = My mom is coming
14. You look tired = Are you cheating on me?
15. Let's have sex = I need more new clothes
16. Honey you want to talk? = Don't bother me
17. Do I look fat to you? = Watch your mouth
18. How is your work? = Where's your paycheck
19. Let's go to the mall = I need a bag-carrier
20. I am going shopping, do you need anything = Give me your creditcard
Girlfriend 7.0
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User (KEEP READING)
______________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User (KEEP READING)
______________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support
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